Witty Quotes | Witty Phrases | Sayings with Verbal Humor - Page 3

Common sense is not so common.

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If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

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The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

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Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin

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The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

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Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett

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“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

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A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

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Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

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Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.

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I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

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The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

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My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

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If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

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There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

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If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

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There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

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Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

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There are some idiots who always answer “No” to every question, now tell me. Are you one of them?

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