Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

Department of redundancy department.

Submitted by: Gary

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo

Save the world. Destroy humans.’

Submitted by: christina

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton

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