Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

5

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria
7

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja
8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
11

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor
12

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
17

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy
9

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid
9

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
19

It never rains on a dry day.

Submitted by: Tom
5

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
7

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G
11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
7

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
9

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
7

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
6

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
5

I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.

Submitted by: domonique
5

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler
9

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
15

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II
1

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray
27

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T
14

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine

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