Common sense is not so common.
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. – Benjamin Franklin
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Indecision may or may not be my problem. – Jimmy Buffett
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.” so he drops her off at a gas station.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent. Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
There are some idiots who always answer “No” to every question, now tell me. Are you one of them?
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