Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
Must Do: Make a to- do list
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
- Bertrand Russell
What exactly does pedantic mean?
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?