Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

32

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky
2

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

Witty Quote: Tact is the ability to tell someone...

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9

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

4

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams

4

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

4

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields

14

Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D
7

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
9

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

31

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino
5

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

7

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

5

You never learn anything by doing it right.

38

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp
13

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin
12

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

5

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

3

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
5

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

17

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev
48

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie
3

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder
4

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl
5

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Witty Quote: There are two rules in life. 1....

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9

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

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