Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

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Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams

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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields

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I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

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It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Witty Quote: A compromise is an agreement whereby both...

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It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

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Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
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The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

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Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D
31

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino
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You never learn anything by doing it right.

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I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

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If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

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Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

Witty Quote: Tact is the ability to tell someone...

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15

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin
17

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev
3

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder
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Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Witty Quote: Three may keep a secret, if two...

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50

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie
13

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow
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It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: Everywhere is within walking distance if you...

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9

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

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