Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
Must Do: Make a to- do list
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
- Bertrand Russell
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
What exactly does pedantic mean?
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow