Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
Must Do: Make a to- do list
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.