Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3


Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

Witty Quote: Tact is the ability to tell someone...

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I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.


Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams


It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.


I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields


Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN

Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.


I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman


The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein


You never learn anything by doing it right.


If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.


I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright


Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman


Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Witty Quote: There are two rules in life. 1....

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Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Witty Quote: Three may keep a secret, if two...

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