Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright
Must Do: Make a to- do list
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
What exactly does pedantic mean?
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?