Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Must Do: Make a to- do list
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.