Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
Must Do: Make a to- do list
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin