Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
- Honoré de Balzac
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
Must Do: Make a to- do list
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
- Winston Churchill
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow