Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Must Do: Make a to- do list
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
- Winston Churchill
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.