Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

6

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
5

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler
4

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams

9

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

6

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

14

Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D
31

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino
4

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields

4

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

4

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman

11

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

38

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp
5

You never learn anything by doing it right.

47

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie
16

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev
6

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith

4

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman

7

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
- Bertrand Russell

7

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
5

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
7

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

16

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
26

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
3

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
3

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder

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