Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Must Do: Make a to- do list
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.