Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

31

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky
9

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

4

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams

4

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields

11

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin
2

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Witty Quote: A compromise is an agreement whereby both...

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9

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

4

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

14

Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D
31

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino
7

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
4

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

7

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

5

You never learn anything by doing it right.

38

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp
5

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

12

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

17

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev
5

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

48

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie
3

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder
3

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
16

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
8

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith

4

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl

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