Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas
What exactly does pedantic mean?
87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Steven Wright
Common sense is not so common.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
- Anuj Somany
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
Why do psychics ask your name?
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- W. C. Fields
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith