Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

5

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler
10

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
15

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II
1

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray
27

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T
15

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
11

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
9

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
17

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!

Submitted by: angiela
10

There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

Submitted by: Rebecca
12

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
16

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
56

So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.

Submitted by: Paul
49

The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!

Submitted by: Mel
23

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul
17

Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Submitted by: sofie
13

Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them, common. Arguing, acceptable. However, when you lose the argument, you’re in trouble.

Submitted by: Adellaide
4

We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.

Submitted by: Mocca, William
8

Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett

Submitted by: Caitlin Malicki
21

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1
20

Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.

Submitted by: Sujit
47

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly

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