Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo

Save the world. Destroy humans.’

Submitted by: christina

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl

An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.

Submitted by: Phil Sanchez

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