Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.
I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
Why do psychics ask your name?
45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.