Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl

An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.

Submitted by: Phil Sanchez

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.

Submitted by: chris harder

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam

I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.

Submitted by: nam
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Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.

Submitted by: Matt

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid

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