Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
What exactly does pedantic mean?
It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
Why do psychics ask your name?
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.