Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5

17

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev
38

Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.

Submitted by: XxkeeelyxX
31

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson
16

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
- Albert Einstein

Submitted by: Jake
63

Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!

Submitted by: LovingKing
79

I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.

Submitted by: Dahlia v.
113

My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?

Submitted by: Deb Henry
33

129% of people exaggerate.

Submitted by: Jenny A.
150

Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)

Submitted by: Carl K. J
63

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!

Submitted by: darla
18

A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Submitted by: Debra Ramey
64

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313
160

Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

Submitted by: rawr
132

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin
22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
25

You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!

Submitted by: Torie
30

Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole
27

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul
66

Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!

Submitted by: Louies
26

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
19

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: Shorty
54

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty
19

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Submitted by: Shorty
40

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet
38

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob

Copyright © 2006-2014 Coolnsmart.com - All rights reserved.

Like us!