Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.