Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright
Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
– Albert Einstein
It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
Why do psychics ask your name?
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!