Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
Honoré de Balzac

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor

Submitted by: Seth

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
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What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud

It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul

You never learn anything by doing it right.

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

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