Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly

Save a tree, eat a beaver…

Submitted by: tom

Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer

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