Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5

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The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

Witty Quote: The secret to creativity is knowing how...

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It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

Witty Quote: It’s recession when your neighbor loses his...

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When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph

You never learn anything by doing it right.

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!

Submitted by: darla

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