Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: I have an inferiority complex, but it’s...

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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with...

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I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize....

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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

Witty Quote: A child of five could understand this....

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If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen

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