Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.

Submitted by: chris harder

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam

I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.

Submitted by: nam

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.

Submitted by: Matt

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams

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