Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon. By General Arthur MacDouglas
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some people…we want to leave footprints on their face.
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other. – Honore de Balzac
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done. – cory taylor
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake. Person: Really? Were did you hear that? Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
Why do psychics ask your name?
Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.
It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face! You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
What exactly does pedantic mean?
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
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