Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- W. C. Fields
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
- Anuj Somany
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.