Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
– Steven Wright
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.