Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5

8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

15

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
54

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty
83

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin
23

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul
11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
48

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream
8

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson
2

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Witty Quote: Three may keep a secret, if two...

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25

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
9

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
5

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Witty Quote: My mom has the most awesome daughter...

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8

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam
10

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
10

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
10

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany
6

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
7

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria
11

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid
9

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja
17

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

Witty Quote: Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does...

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8

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

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