Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
- cory taylor
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
Department of redundancy department.
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
- John Alejandro King
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.