Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.