Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5

6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

9

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G
16

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
10

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D
55

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty
11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
83

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin
23

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul
10

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
48

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream
6

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
11

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson
9

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam
7

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Witty Quote: My mom has the most awesome daughter...

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10

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
10

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
30

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
11

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany
8

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen
8

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton
9

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja
8

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
8

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria

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