Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
– Steven Wright
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright
Nothing but the future lies ahead.