Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- Steven Wright
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
- cory taylor
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.