Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- W. C. Fields
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx
Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
- Anuj Somany
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.