Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5

23

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul
6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright

11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
9

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
5

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria
9

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
17

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
17

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
7

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
8

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
9

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid
5

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson
136

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius
6

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
5

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black
12

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
70

In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
- cory taylor

Submitted by: Seth
8

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
5

Department of redundancy department.

Submitted by: Gary
35

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
- John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs
128

Save a tree, eat a beaver…

Submitted by: tom
64

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

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