Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 5

6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
83

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin
54

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty
7

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam
11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
23

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul
48

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream
13

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
8

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
24

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
6

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
7

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson
6

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria
10

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
10

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
10

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany
5

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Witty Quote: My mom has the most awesome daughter...

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6

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
8

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja
11

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid
10

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar

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