Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

You can’t be late until you show up.

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
Honoré de Balzac

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor

Submitted by: Seth

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

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