Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6

33

Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole
30

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul
68

Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!

Submitted by: Louies
28

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
20

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: Shorty
59

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty
20

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Submitted by: Shorty
41

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet
39

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob
48

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream
35

If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.

Submitted by: tex
35

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs
32

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino
33

There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

Submitted by: smiley35
41

I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.

Submitted by: Susanne
47

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
50

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
46

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
38

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp
85

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin
123

‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…”
Douglas Adams

Submitted by: Dylan
136

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius
42

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius
27

“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say…i just watch what they do.”

Submitted by: Bertha
45

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena

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