Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies. – Oliver Goldsmith
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile? If two ants elope, are they antelopes? If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding? If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
If someone tells you to never take advice from anyone should you take his?
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – W. C. Fields
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with. I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
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