Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6

174

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin
15

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II
6

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- Steven Wright

6

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
6

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar
38

Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.

Submitted by: XxkeeelyxX
63

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!

Submitted by: darla
8

I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.

Submitted by: nam
6

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton
9

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary
17

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired
11

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor
7

A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.

Submitted by: Matt
7

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen
66

Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!

Submitted by: Louies
4

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
5

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard
11

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody
160

Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

Submitted by: rawr
27

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T
14

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
11

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146
8

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
- Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna
26

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
63

Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!

Submitted by: LovingKing

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