Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
– Groucho Marx
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
Department of redundancy department.