Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
– Groucho Marx
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
Department of redundancy department.