Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
Department of redundancy department.
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!
Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.
Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!
Save the world. Destroy humans.
45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.
It never rains on a dry day.
I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.
Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)
‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…”
The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
Dont love the one you love cause they may not love you in return , but love the one who loves you cause her heart is in your hands
Some think way too much of their own worth. Just leave them to bask in the delusion of their own reflected glory.
They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.
Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.
So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.
If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
East or West, Home is best
…”I see you’ve not been to North”
My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?
A man mixed with a cat will improve the man, but deteriorate the cat.