Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
- cory taylor
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
- John Alejandro King
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- Steven Wright
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.