Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6

9

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black
136

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius
10

I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.

Submitted by: nam
23

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar
40

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

Witty Quote: Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does...

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12

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor
72

In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor

Submitted by: Seth
56

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Witty Quote: There are two rules in life. 1....

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35

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs
174

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin
65

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313
37

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired
48

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Witty Quote: A compromise is an agreement whereby both...

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130

Save a tree, eat a beaver…

Submitted by: tom
40

Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.

Submitted by: XxkeeelyxX
20

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

10

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

19

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II
66

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!

Submitted by: darla
22

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody
67

Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!

Submitted by: Louies
51

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Witty Quote: My mom has the most awesome daughter...

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26

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146
19

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy
172

A man mixed with a cat will improve the man, but deteriorate the cat.

Submitted by: Casey

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