Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
- John Alejandro King
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
Department of redundancy department.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!
I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
- Michael Scott