Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- Steven Wright
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
- Michael Scott
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!