Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
– Groucho Marx
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
Department of redundancy department.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.