Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6

12

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar
12

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

136

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius
7

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton
7

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

12

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody
8

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen
35

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs
15

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II
72

In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor

Submitted by: Seth
64

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313
129

Save a tree, eat a beaver…

Submitted by: tom
174

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin
7

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black
64

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!

Submitted by: darla
24

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired
38

Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.

Submitted by: XxkeeelyxX
11

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor
5

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
9

I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.

Submitted by: nam
7

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard
66

Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!

Submitted by: Louies
15

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146
8

A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.

Submitted by: Matt
13

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary

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