Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6

10

Department of redundancy department.

Submitted by: Gary
27

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T
161

Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

Submitted by: rawr
9

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna
18

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
63

Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!

Submitted by: LovingKing
33

Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.

28

Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D.
38

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
110

A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!

Submitted by: Tammy
19

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina
18

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy
21

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King
11

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson
19

It never rains on a dry day.

Submitted by: Tom
80

I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.

Submitted by: Dahlia v.
153

Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)

Submitted by: Carl K. J
120

‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…”
Douglas Adams

Submitted by: Dylan
49

The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!

Submitted by: Mel
30

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
93

Dont love the one you love cause they may not love you in return , but love the one who loves you cause her heart is in your hands

Submitted by: better not told
45

Some think way too much of their own worth. Just leave them to bask in the delusion of their own reflected glory.

Submitted by: Candice
132

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin
11

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.

Submitted by: chris harder
81

Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.

Submitted by: krinolina
55

So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.

Submitted by: Paul
27

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith
80

East or West, Home is best
…”I see you’ve not been to North”

Submitted by: nyogz
115

My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?

Submitted by: Deb Henry
169

A man mixed with a cat will improve the man, but deteriorate the cat.

Submitted by: Casey

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