Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
You can’t be late until you show up.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- W. C. Fields
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
- Honoré de Balzac
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
- Bertrand Russell
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman