Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN

I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.

Submitted by: domonique

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray
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I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
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The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!

Submitted by: angiela

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