Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7

174

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

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128

Save a tree, eat a beaver…

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8

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- W. C. Fields

7

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

2

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

4

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman

9

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

5

You never learn anything by doing it right.

2

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

6

You can’t be late until you show up.

4

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

33

Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.

4

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields

8

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

4

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams

9

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

7

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

8

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
- Honoré de Balzac

6

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

7

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
- Bertrand Russell

6

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith

11

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

4

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman


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