Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7

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A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Submitted by: Debra Ramey

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

Submitted by: rawr

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan

You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!

Submitted by: Torie

Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul

Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!

Submitted by: Louies

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: Shorty

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Submitted by: Shorty

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream

If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.

Submitted by: tex

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino

There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

Submitted by: smiley35

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