Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)

Submitted by: Billie Jean

Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: dev

Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.

Submitted by: XxkeeelyxX

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: Jake

Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!

Submitted by: LovingKing

I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.

Submitted by: Dahlia v.

My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?

Submitted by: Deb Henry
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129% of people exaggerate.

Submitted by: Jenny A.

Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)

Submitted by: Carl K. J

A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Submitted by: Debra Ramey

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.

Submitted by: Danielle

Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

Submitted by: rawr

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan

You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!

Submitted by: Torie

Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole

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