Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146

My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?

Submitted by: Deb Henry

It never rains on a dry day.

Submitted by: Tom

Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)

Submitted by: Carl K. J

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson

‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…”
Douglas Adams

Submitted by: Dylan

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T

So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.

Submitted by: Paul

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina

Dont love the one you love cause they may not love you in return , but love the one who loves you cause her heart is in your hands

Submitted by: better not told

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo

Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!

Submitted by: LovingKing

Some think way too much of their own worth. Just leave them to bask in the delusion of their own reflected glory.

Submitted by: Candice

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna

A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!

Submitted by: Tammy

Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D.

The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!

Submitted by: Mel

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.

Submitted by: chris harder

Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.

Submitted by: krinolina

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith

I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.

Submitted by: Dahlia v.

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin

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