Witty Quotes | Witty Phrases | Sayings with Verbal Humor - Page 7

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

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If actions speak louder than words, then why did I learn English instead of martial arts?

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Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams

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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
– Steven Wright

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You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

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A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
– Rodney Dangerfield

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It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

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So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

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Whoever put the word fun in funeral?
– Anthony Liccione

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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields

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He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

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Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

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A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

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That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

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I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

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Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

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I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

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A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

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The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

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For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
– Douglas Adams

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