Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7

27

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T
161

Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?

Submitted by: rawr
19

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146
10

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna
63

Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!

Submitted by: LovingKing
33

Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.

18

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy
23

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
36

Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D.
110

A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!

Submitted by: Tammy
11

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.

Submitted by: chris harder
51

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
25

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina
80

I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.

Submitted by: Dahlia v.
14

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson
20

It never rains on a dry day.

Submitted by: Tom
153

Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)

Submitted by: Carl K. J
28

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King
120

‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…”
Douglas Adams

Submitted by: Dylan
36

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
49

The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!

Submitted by: Mel
93

Dont love the one you love cause they may not love you in return , but love the one who loves you cause her heart is in your hands

Submitted by: better not told
45

Some think way too much of their own worth. Just leave them to bask in the delusion of their own reflected glory.

Submitted by: Candice
133

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin
81

Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.

Submitted by: krinolina

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