Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
– Michael Scott
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.
Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!
Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.
It never rains on a dry day.
Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.
A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.
Save the world. Destroy humans.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.
Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)
Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???
‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…”
The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!
Dont love the one you love cause they may not love you in return , but love the one who loves you cause her heart is in your hands
Some think way too much of their own worth. Just leave them to bask in the delusion of their own reflected glory.
If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…