Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King