Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
– Douglas Adams
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
Nothing but the future lies ahead.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
– Groucho Marx
Save the world. Destroy humans.’
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.