Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman