Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:

Submitted by: joseph

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.

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