Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:

Submitted by: joseph

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

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