Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills. – Ambrose Bierce
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. – Ambrose Bierce
Politeness, The most acceptable hypocrisy. – Ambrose Bierce
Bride, n. – A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. – Ambrose Bierce
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. – Ambrose Bierce
Lawyer – One skilled in the circumvention of the law. – Ambrose Bierce
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. – Ambrose Bierce
Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue. – Ambrose Bierce
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. – Ambrose Bierce
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. – Ambrose Bierce
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. – Ambrose Bierce
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. – Ambrose Bierce
Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. – Ambrose Bierce
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. – Ambrose Bierce
Divorce, n: A bugle blast that separates the combatants and makes them fight at long range. – Ambrose Bierce
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. – Ambrose Bierce
Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. – Ambrose Bierce
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. – Ambrose Bierce
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. – Ambrose Bierce
Genius – to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things. – Ambrose Bierce
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