Chris Rock Quotes

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. Of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war.
– Chris Rock

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Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
– Chris Rock

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You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullsh*t. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
– Chris Rock

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You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
– Chris Rock

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Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
– Chris Rock

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Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
– Chris Rock

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Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
– Chris Rock

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I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? “Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.”
– Chris Rock

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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
– Chris Rock

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Men are as faithful as their options.
– Chris Rock

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If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.
– Chris Rock

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I love being famous…It’s almost like being white!
– Chris Rock

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You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.
– Chris Rock

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Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by yourself.
– Chris Rock

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If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.
– Chris Rock

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A sense of humor is great – it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
– Chris Rock

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Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
– Chris Rock

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Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.
– Chris Rock

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I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
– Chris Rock

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