Quotes by George Carlin

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
– George Carlin

Quote: Here’s all you have to know about...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
– George Carlin

Quote: Think of how stupid the average person...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
– George Carlin

Quote: That’s why they call it the American...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
– George Carlin

Quote: Men are from Earth, women are from...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
– George Carlin

Quote: May the forces of evil become confused...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
– George Carlin

Quote: Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– George Carlin

Quote: Give a man a fish and he...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
– George Carlin

Quote: I do this real moron thing, and...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
– George Carlin

Quote: How come when it’s us, it’s an...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man … Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
– George Carlin

Quote: Religion has convinced people that there’s an...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Atheism is a non- prophet organization.
– George Carlin

Quote: Atheism is a non- prophet organization. –...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
– George Carlin

Quote: Have you ever noticed that anybody driving...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
– George Carlin

Quote: The reason I talk to myself is...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
– George Carlin

Quote: Inside every cynical person, there is a...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

I’m sixty years of age. That’s 16 Celsius.
– George Carlin

Quote: I’m sixty years of age. That’s 16...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

I couldn’t commit suicide if my life depended on it.
– George Carlin

Quote: I couldn’t commit suicide if my life...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
– George Carlin

Quote: Life gets really simple once you cut...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.
– George Carlin

Quote: Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

I have certain rules I live by…My first rule, I don’t believe anything the government tells me.
– George Carlin

Quote: I have certain rules I live by…My...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
– George Carlin

Quote: The main reason Santa is so jolly...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Don’t let self-doubt interfere with plans to improve your life.
– George Carlin

Quote: Don’t let self-doubt interfere with plans to...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
– George Carlin

Quote: Let a smile be your umbrella, and...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
– George Carlin

Quote: Those who dance are considered insane by...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.
– George Carlin

Quote: “Meow” means “woof” in cat. – George...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn’t afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.
– George Carlin

Quote: It turned out I was pretty good...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
– George Carlin

Quote: I do this real moron thing, and...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
– George Carlin

Quote: Tell people there’s an invisible man in...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
– George Carlin

Quote: If it’s true that our species is...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Copyright © 2006-2019 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote