Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: A wife is a friend first, a...

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Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Me and my wife are happy. At...

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The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: The only problem with politicians taking two...

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I want to get married. But first I need to get a divorce.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I want to get married. But first...

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There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: There should always be one more cat...

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You know what I like most about people? Pets.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: You know what I like most about...

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Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me...

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Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Competition is healthy. Especially when all your...

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When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: When I compliment you, I compliment myself,...

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Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately,...

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I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
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– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I don’t understand people who don’t touch...

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Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand,...

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Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Return something not for the possibility of...

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If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: If I told you I’ve worked hard...

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Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Love is like war, except without all...

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Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Last night I didn’t sleep for a...

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99% of the population is afraid of public speaking, and of the remaining 1%, 99% of them have nothing original and interesting to say.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: 99% of the population is afraid of...

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Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Death cannot stop true love. That’s why...

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I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I’m willing to die for the woman...

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The wealthier I get, the more money I will have to not have, because my goal in getting is giving, and nothing is better than charity.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: The wealthier I get, the more money...

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I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I love teamwork. I love the idea...

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I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life lesson for you.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I can throw an orange like a...

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Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a poor impression of a person. Maybe I feel this way because I have no money.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a...

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I’m in good shape. That shape is round.

– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I’m in good shape. That shape is...

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I don’t want to adopt your ideas, I want to give birth to them.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I don’t want to adopt your ideas,...

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Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: Vacation, I go there in my mind....

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I don’t think our president is doing a good job, but I think he’s doing a great vacation.
– Jarod Kintz

Quote: I don’t think our president is doing...

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