American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer.
If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis- informed. – Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. – Mark Twain
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. – Mark Twain
No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next. – Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. – Mark Twain
It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise. – Mark Twain
Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it. – Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. – Mark Twain
Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. – Mark Twain
Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep ’til noon. – Mark Twain
For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment. – Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! – Mark Twain
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. – Mark Twain
I can live for two months on a good compliment. – Mark Twain
Classic’ – a book which people praise and don’t read. – Mark Twain
Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, It was like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at the same time. – Mark Twain
Always obey your parents – when they are present. – Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. – Mark Twain
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. – Mark Twain
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