I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. – W.C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. – W. C. Fields
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W.C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. – W. C. Fields
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. – W.C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. – W.C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. – W.C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I never had the decency to thank her. – W.C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. – W.C. Fields
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. – W.C. Fields
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer. – W.C. Fields
I like children. If they’re properly cooked. – W.C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. – W.C. Fields
I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son- of- a b*tch, I forget it. – W.C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time – and that’s enough to make a decent living. – W.C. Fields
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. – W.C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together! – W.C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. – W.C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.” – W.C. Fields
There are three things in life that are extremely hard ; steel, a diamond, and to know oneself. – W.C. Fields
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake…which I also keep handy. – W.C. Fields
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