Facebook Status Quotes

After smoking weed he went to coca cola to buy beer.

Submitted by: Toneri genetic-motion on April 28, 2018

My life, my rules, so keep your nose out of my business.

Submitted by: Angel Reshma on March 25, 2018

Did you know that Facebook can lie sometimes ?
Seriously how can someone be sick with 22 others.

Submitted by: izris skarra on June 4, 2017

Yeah you – the one reading my status, get lost!

Submitted by: Karan Pandit on March 31, 2017

If you wanna know who read your words attentively, leave mistakes in status.

Submitted by: Imran Mushtaq Chauhan on March 29, 2017

Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.

Say it to my face, not through your status!

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If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

I log out from FB. Reason: I am bored.
After 5 min I signed in. Reason: I am bored.

If you see me smiling in public, it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head

My ex girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.

Submitted by: Wally on December 2, 2013

Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.

Submitted by: joy on October 9, 2013

I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking.

Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.

Submitted by: Jade on July 23, 2013

Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.

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Women are a strange breed.
They paint their lips;
Show off their inner-wear;
Flaunt their bodies;
Wear butt-hugging jeans;
And then they expect men to notice their emotions!

Submitted by: ben on July 1, 2013

Living reality
Not a Facebook fantasy
Like others
Be yourself
Quit acting like someone else.

Submitted by: Jose Gaucin on June 30, 2013

If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.

Submitted by: Ammad mustafa on April 28, 2013

I’ll change my gender to ‘female’ and my name to ‘Linda’. So when I post an update, people will rush to like them.

Submitted by: isuwa on April 10, 2013

If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

There are two types of human beings found on Facebook.
One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts.
And the others are men.

Submitted by: Rajesh Joe on February 5, 2013

That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.

Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ’em not to f*** with you.

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid stuff people post, I can Like it. And it will say “Nobody likes this”.

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If you follow me on Facebook, you are a stalker.
That’s Twitter moron.

Submitted by: Dennis on December 16, 2012

I am currently restructuring my multinational Facebook friends list. I have decided to be within a manageable level of friends for control purposes. I am stream- lining my own time online so I can do other things with more meaning. This means, I will only retain responsive, active friends. This is my way of cost cutting my energy from reading non sense updates, humorless comments and unnecessary feedback. So until I get round to unfriending you “You know who you are”, either from self delete or from myself having to use the the bye bye button on you, this is only so my time is my own again.
P.S. If you are reading this then hello Facebook friend.

Submitted by: john on August 3, 2012

Facebook is the only book that we read everyday.

Submitted by: Papa Wayne..xD on July 23, 2012

If a girl has 550 likes and 394 comments in her picture on Facebook, it can only mean one thing:
She’s naked.

Submitted by: Johnny on July 17, 2012

So I tried this interesting new recipe; beer can chicken. You actually cook the whole chicken with a can of beer inside. The recipe only calls for one beer. I bought a six pack and drank the first five before beginning to prepare the meal. Strange but I must have missed the line in the recipe that said to “Open” the can before inserting into the chicken. When a can of beer is heated to 375 degrees, it reacts by “Self opening” what a mess to clean up.

Submitted by: Don Keen on July 7, 2012

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