Facebook Status Quotes

Don’t do drugs…give them to me.

Submitted by: a$h on March 12, 2010

Dear Facebook: They are not “Suggested friends.” They’re people I’m intentionally trying to avoid.

Submitted by: Aman on September 6, 2011

You don’t have to like me, I’m not Facebook status.

Submitted by: Dakotah. on November 8, 2011

There are two types of human beings found on Facebook.
One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts.
And the others are men.

Submitted by: Rajesh Joe on February 5, 2013

Say it to my face, not through your status!

If you see me smiling in public, it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid stuff people post, I can Like it. And it will say “Nobody likes this”.


Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do I wonder about something else hummmm, I wonder !!

Submitted by: Chloe on March 22, 2010

Behind every successful Facebook update there’s ctrl+c & ctrl +v.

Submitted by: manek on November 11, 2011

Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.

Submitted by: Jade on July 23, 2013

Stop writing love quotes on your facebook.. It will hurt you more than you know.

Submitted by: Idrees on September 20, 2010

Half- way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as I thought…

Submitted by: lisa on April 4, 2010

After 11 years in living in the same house I found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.
3 weeks after my dad changed the place of the door in my house. This morning I ran right into the wall that used to be a door that would be the 5th time???

Submitted by: Rose on March 17, 2010

I keep my page public so my haters have something to do.(:

Submitted by: Cookie Monster on January 16, 2012

Dear Facebook, Where’s the “DUH” button?

Submitted by: Lisa on October 18, 2011

If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

Facebook is like a fridge, you check it every 5 minutes even though you know that there is nothing there.

Submitted by: Saskia on February 5, 2012

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.

Jonathan is applying geometry to his everyday life: no squares are allowed in my inner circle.

Submitted by: Jon Braxton on December 28, 2010

I’m cle’a[ni.ng m’y’ ke]yb36oa;rd.

My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

Linda notices that nobody ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

Dear Facebook would it be too much to ask for you to just shut down for one day so I could get some things of importance done? Just kidding, really don’t do that.

Submitted by: dee on September 22, 2011

STATUS UPDATE MONDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “FED EX” will be going out of business soon.
STATUS UPDATE TUESDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “UPS” will be going out of business soon.
STATUS UPDATE WEDNESDAY: I just received another anonymous tip that both companies have merged. “FED UP”

Submitted by: MikeGnyC on April 9, 2010

I failed my online quiz, did great on my FB status.

Submitted by: prince f.fisher on November 28, 2011

I know that I am beautiful, looking is enough but staring is too much.

Submitted by: FRANCIA JORDAN on February 6, 2012

I’m going on a date with my pillow!! Goodnight!!:)

Submitted by: Rache on February 10, 2012

Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

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