Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Evelyn Hendrickson

Marriage is like a poker game. You start out with a pair. She shows a heart. He flashes a diamond. She gets a flush. And he ends up with a full house and a big pot!!

Submitted by: Ken Murray on May 6, 2013

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Once upon, there was this man who asked a woman “Will you marry me?”
The woman said “NO!”
Then the man lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and did whenever he wanted.
“THE END” (…true story)

Submitted by: DroidTsuenik9 on January 23, 2012

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is the longest COLD WAR ever fought.

Submitted by: sujeet kumar on August 12, 2011
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I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Submitted by: kapil on October 8, 2011

Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.

Submitted by: Dennis Mapfumo on August 24, 2011

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Robert Frost

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Man: I wear the pants in the relationship.
Woman: I’m the belt that holds the pants up!

Submitted by: Hillary and Frank on October 22, 2011

Here’s a toast to our wives and girlfriends … May they never meet!! ? ?

Submitted by: jamal nasr on May 30, 2011

Married life is so easy. It’s just like a walk in the park.
BUT the problem is:
.
..

that the park is Jurassic!

Submitted by: AAMIR on December 18, 2011

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
– Henry Youngman

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Funny Marriage Quotes Quote: A man’s wife has more power over...

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”

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A husband’s last words should always be “OK, buy it”.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
– Beverly Nichols

I haven’t spoken to my wife for many years. I love her so much that I don’t like to interrupt her.

Submitted by: Raj on April 27, 2012

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