Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

Where would men be without women? Back in the garden of Eden.

Submitted by: nate on June 5, 2019

Just called the police on my girlfriend. She hasn’t committed a crime, I just want them to come and remind her she has the right to remain silent.

The fastest-growing communication is tell-a-woman.

Submitted by: Nakeeb Ilyasu on November 22, 2016

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller

Fastest ways of communication, telephone, television, tell-a-woman.

Submitted by: phantom on February 3, 2016

What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
Jerry Seinfeld

I think the inventor of the mirror is a man who was tired of always being asked how do I look by his wife.

Submitted by: Maduwa Thabo on September 27, 2015

I never knew what hard work was until I tried to please a woman.

Submitted by: Nicholas Ohl on September 17, 2015

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women.
Louis C.K.

Getting in an argument with a woman is like being arrested, because anything you say can and will be used against you.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Chris Rock

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Chris Rock

Women are like volcanoes. Both stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything. Then, there’s calm again.

I’ll never understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.


You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.

When a woman says “do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.

I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.
– Some Woman

A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to wear. 2. No room for all the clothes.

Of course women don’t look as busy as men. We do it right the first time!!!

Submitted by: kimberly on September 5, 2013

When a women says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other.
Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..

Submitted by: ANON on July 19, 2013

A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes. :)

Why are girls?

Women are a strange breed.
They paint their lips;
Show off their inner-wear;
Flaunt their bodies;
Wear butt-hugging jeans;
And then they expect men to notice their emotions!

Submitted by: ben on July 1, 2013

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

Submitted by: Ronak on June 25, 2013

There is no doubt that all women are crazy. It’s just a matter of degree.

Submitted by: Kris on May 20, 2013

Only two things can change a woman’s mind:

1. I love you.
2. 50 percent discount.

Submitted by: simplaz on April 10, 2013

A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!

Submitted by: Peter on April 7, 2013

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

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