Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.

When a woman says “do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.

Only a woman can make a man feel wrong, when he does good.

Submitted by: James on March 14, 2011

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.
Bill Cosby

When it comes to men, women are like monkeys, they won’t let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on another!

Submitted by: Lee on December 6, 2010

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

Submitted by: shady on September 20, 2011

The best way to make a woman listen to you, direct your talk to another woman.

Submitted by: shady on September 20, 2011

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends’.

Why are girls?

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.

Submitted by: Doug Dunn on December 9, 2012

If a woman insists on being called Ms, ask her if it stands for miserable.

Happiness is not the only thing in the world. Which is exactly why every girl should fall in love with a man.

Submitted by: oviya on November 29, 2008

It doesn’t matter how attractive someone is when you marry, even a white cat is black in the dark.

Submitted by: eyezwideopen on January 23, 2010

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often.

A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!

Submitted by: Peter on April 7, 2013

Women… Can’t live with ‘em… Can’t shoot ‘em.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Chris Rock

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
– Tim Allen

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women… Neither one works.

Submitted by: Baron on September 9, 2010

I am the boss in my house (my wife said so) and I wear the pants in the family (my wife tells me which ones to wear). And that’s final (per my wife).

Submitted by: Redneck on July 30, 2010

The male body has seven trillion nerves and only a woman knows “How to get on every single one of them?”

Submitted by: DHARAM BANDWAR on August 5, 2012

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Submitted by: April on December 7, 2011

Women are like volcanoes. Both stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything. Then, there’s calm again.

Someday they’re going to call me “M’am” without adding “You’re making a scene”.

Submitted by: sandra blackburn on January 1, 2013

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Chris Rock


Who said that behind every successful man there is a woman … It’s wrong … The truth is that women fall only for successful men.

Submitted by: santosh on September 27, 2011

A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes. :)

When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?
– Dame Edith Evans

You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.

To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
– Rudolph Valentino

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