Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No. I dug my way up from hell.
Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.
Early to bed early to rise just means you didn’t get invited to the party.
And who told you you were intelligent?????
I had a slight headache, then you my friend, just turned it into a migraine. Thank you very much.
Tell me about your problems again. ‘Cause I care SO much about your problems.
If you’re too open- minded, your brains will fall out. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Don’t bother me. I’m trying to give a damn about what you just said.
The only thing to fear is fear itself and what 9 out 10 doctors would prescribe.
You: Hey you just insult me? Me: Wow did you just figure that out?
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the Devil; for which reason I have, long since, as good as renounced it. – Thomas Carlyle
Okay…Tell me and I’ll pretend to care.
Person 1: Why are you so fat? Person 2: I’m not fat. I am skinny, it’s just that because of all the fat you can’t see it.
I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up. – Lenny Bruce
– Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. – Exactly! It’s the only form I’m capable of.
Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine.
Sarcasm: curing the world one insult at a time.
Abusive Mom: Do you hate me? Girl: No, I just wish you would get your next period in a shark tank Abusive Dad: Do you hate me? Girl: No, it’s just that if you were on fire I’d roast marshmallows.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me!
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