Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

Person 1: Did you fall?
Person 2: No, a bunch a kids wanted to play ping pong with my a**.

Submitted by: IAmunknown on April 10, 2013

Sorry, my fist meant to caress your face.

Submitted by: Iamunknown on March 27, 2013

You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.

Submitted by: Vuyie on March 23, 2013

I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.

Submitted by: Vuyie on March 23, 2013

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title on March 10, 2013

How very observant of you there captain obvious.

Submitted by: Lima Tiapula on March 10, 2013

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Submitted by: Sir Custac Cant on February 23, 2013
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A guy asks “Do you think I’m straight?”
My response: You’re as straight as a circle.

Submitted by: Aj on January 25, 2013

3 A. M. Phone call
– Hey are you asleep?
– No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!

Submitted by: Jox_Touchdown on January 19, 2013

I love parents’ way of saying you have got a point “Don’t talk back at me!!”

Submitted by: Clothilda on January 18, 2013

Person 1: Only few people can practice two arts simultaneously.
Person 2: That is why I practice three. :)

Submitted by: Kiel on January 17, 2013

Person 1: Can you help me do my homework?
Person 2: Sure, I can, why not.
Person 1: Well?.
Person 2: Just because I can, doesn’t mean I will.

Submitted by: Kiel on January 17, 2013

B*tch at least I still remember planetary motion. The world revolves around the sun.

Submitted by: derek dsemre on January 5, 2013

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

Submitted by: shutup on December 18, 2012

Person: Go to hell!
Me: I must already be in Hell since you’re still standing here.

Submitted by: Nick on December 14, 2012
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I love to hear you talk- the white noise is very relaxing.

Submitted by: nick on December 14, 2012

Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.

Submitted by: Sofia on December 4, 2012

Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.

Submitted by: Jennifer on October 19, 2012

I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).

Submitted by: Lowkeyfan on September 25, 2012

How much do you charge to haunt a house?

Submitted by: thomas geddes on September 12, 2012

Oh yea you look so pretty I can’t take it.

Submitted by: casin on September 10, 2012

Someone said that you didn’t have half a brain, but I defended you, I insisted that you did!

Submitted by: Richard on September 6, 2012

As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me!

Submitted by: Anarchy on August 26, 2012

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

Submitted by: Lalee on July 10, 2012

Abusive Mom: Do you hate me?
Girl: No, I just wish you would get your next period in a shark tank
Abusive Dad: Do you hate me?
Girl: No, it’s just that if you were on fire I’d roast marshmallows.

Submitted by: Ryann on July 6, 2012
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Mom: *knocks on my door*
Me: What?
Mom: Are you in there?
Me: No, I went to Narnia.

Submitted by: Aiden on June 21, 2012

*Me washing my car*
Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car?
Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.

Submitted by: FAX_and_MANG on June 12, 2012

Judge: How do you plead?
Me: Not guilty your honer!
Judge: What have you got to say for yourself?
Me: Isn’t being ugly against the law?

Submitted by: Prince-Flames O. M on June 12, 2012

Some one comes to your house.
Them: Do you have a bathroom?
You: No, we just go in the back yard!

Submitted by: 1999:) 2012:) on June 11, 2012

One thing I know is sarcasm is painful euphemism.
Try not to be sarcastic when you are not, it’s just as difficult as walking with your nose.
Sarcasm is a skill meant for a chosen few.

Submitted by: Victoria on June 8, 2012

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