Short Funny Quotes

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara on August 31, 2010

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee on August 8, 2010

The dumber you are, the smarter you think you are.

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

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Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.

Submitted by: Nana Quajo on July 20, 2011

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby on October 13, 2010

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce

You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.

Submitted by: Vuyie on March 23, 2013
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Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.

Submitted by: Hashim on March 21, 2009

What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield

For all people who make me laugh : Thank you.

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