Age is just a number? Yeah and weed is just a plant!!!!!
If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.
My sex life is like a Ferrari…I don’t have a Ferrari.
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. – Mark Twain
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. – Dave Barry
I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.
I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.
When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. – George Carlin
All married women are not wives.
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn’t, stupid enough to do it anyway.
If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx
Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
Every person tells minimum of 4 lies per day so approx 1490 lies a year! and the most common and favorite lies are I am fine and I was very busy…:)
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC. – Drake
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