Short Funny Quotes

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

Business is stealing other people’s money legally.

Submitted by: salehe hemedi

Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Girl: No!
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.

Submitted by: just someone

The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)

Submitted by: Solberto_Coronavich

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.


I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.

Submitted by: pied piper

I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……

Submitted by: sakshi

Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…

Submitted by: Sosthy

No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)

Submitted by: Suvidha

I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.

Submitted by: Pseudonym

Let husband and wife never speak to one another in loud tones,unless the house is on fire.
– David O. McKay

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Submitted by: Ujjwal

Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.

Submitted by: Megha

Monday again?
Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!

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