Short Funny Quotes | Funny Life Quotes | Cool Funny Quotes - Page 26

Everything is legal. Until you get caught.

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Nobody likes change, except a wet baby.

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Mother In Law, an anagram of, Woman Hitler

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Dear Yahoo,
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
Sincerely,
Google.

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All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of potato chips!

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Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.

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14 Year Old: Santa isn’t real!
6 Year Old: Neither is Edward Cullen!
Guess who ran away crying.:p

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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn’t want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
– Mark Twain

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Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

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Immature is only a word boring people use to describe fun people.

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Old is always fifteen years from now.
– Bill Cosby

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I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!

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I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.

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I’ve said it a million times, I never exaggerate.

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Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
– Robert Orben

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$19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount of money.

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Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.

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I’m giving you a definite maybe.
– Sam Goldwyn

I know only two tunes. One of them is “Yankee Doodle” and the other isn’t.
– Ulysses S. Grant

Yes, females do pursue me (if you count mosquitoes).

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Excuse me, but do these stairs go up?

Traffic is moving at a standstill.
– Traffic Reporter

This project is so important that we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.
Winter related injuries occur more often in winter.
– Newswoman

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Regular naps prevent old age, especially when you take them while driving a car.
I believe that we should play our taxes with a smile…I tried but they wanted cash.

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The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.
– Douglas Engelbart

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