Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.
When all else fails, read the directions.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? – Jerry Seinfeld
Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! – Robert Orben
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. – Gracie Allen
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me. – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
80% of all people can’t do simple mathematics. Okay, but what about the 40% who can.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. – Rodney Dangerfield
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. – Earl Wilson
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Extension of common sense leads to confusion..
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. – Rodney Dangerfield
Define unfair advantage? Um…a crocodile in a smiling contest.
I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here. – Lauren Myracle
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. – Groucho Marx
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes. – Steven Wright
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