Short Funny Quotes

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on July 14, 2013

Make up can make you beautiful on the outside. It wont work if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
George W. Bush

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)

Submitted by: liliaaa on May 8, 2010

If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?

Submitted by: littleredridinghood. on October 17, 2009
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It is not easy going through life and being perfect. I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was wrong.

Submitted by: Patrick Sullivan on August 3, 2010

I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.

If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.

Submitted by: katie on September 5, 2013

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
George Carlin

If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.

Submitted by: Candygirl on December 16, 2011

Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?

Submitted by: Quintin on November 30, 2011
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Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny on January 23, 2012

I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor on August 23, 2014

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: sum on December 22, 2007

Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!

Submitted by: mallikarjun on January 16, 2010

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