Short Funny Quotes

**when life gives you lemons.. Squirt it in your enemies eyes!!***

Submitted by: kasey on December 10, 2007

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey on April 3, 2008

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Submitted by: Usama on February 13, 2008

If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

Submitted by: AL-X on May 30, 2008

I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Submitted by: Kacey on April 3, 2008

A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

Submitted by: Lakiyah King on March 23, 2010

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped

Submitted by: hahahaha on February 15, 2008

When life gives you lemons…throw them over your shoulder and look for an orange

Submitted by: the man on November 29, 2007

Relationship Status:
() Single
() In a relationship
() Married
() Engaged
() Divorced
(x) Waiting for a miracle

To learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers punish you when you get into trouble if you are only learning, which is exactly what they want you to do?

Submitted by: J-Dog on April 26, 2008

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky on February 7, 2008

Adults are just kids with money.

Submitted by: jordan on May 5, 2009

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo on March 27, 2013

Why do they put pizza in a square box?

Submitted by: win_ringette on October 19, 2008

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!

Submitted by: debbie on January 7, 2008

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