Short Funny Quotes

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

Teacher: Imagine you’re in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do?
Boy: Easy, stop imagining.

Submitted by: Cupcake

I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte

Flying is learning how to fall without hitting the ground.

Submitted by: Sweetie

Why is the slowest traffic of the day called “rush hour”?

Submitted by: Kim

Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years. …

Submitted by: Bagga

There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.

Submitted by: Mr. Lova Lova

Ok so I applied for a job at a mental hospital and they said I needed 24 hrs experience with a …uhh…um do you wanna hang out?

Submitted by: mariah

When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.

Submitted by: Longfellow

I’m fat. But you’re ugly. At least I can diet.

Submitted by: Mich

Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?

Submitted by: sophia

It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

Submitted by: marcus lomax

You study to remember
If you remember too much you forget
If you forget you don’t know what you studied
If you forgot what you studied you fail your test.

Submitted by: LMAO

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