Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)

Submitted by: Billie Jean on September 20, 2010

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira on October 29, 2010

I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.

Submitted by: domonique on September 19, 2011

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.

Submitted by: Mocca, William on January 13, 2011

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul on November 23, 2009
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When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin on June 8, 2009

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin on July 7, 2013

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie on March 16, 2008

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp on June 23, 2009

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin on December 12, 2007

Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett

Submitted by: Caitlin Malicki on January 13, 2011

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika on May 21, 2011

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius on August 18, 2008
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Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha on September 13, 2012

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika on November 26, 2013

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino on September 4, 2009

If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty on September 27, 2009

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba) on March 28, 2011

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.

Submitted by: Danielle on March 30, 2010

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic on January 11, 2013
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“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena on July 29, 2008

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow on May 12, 2013

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob on September 19, 2009

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

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