Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin on July 7, 2013

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired on June 5, 2013

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King on May 25, 2013

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow on May 12, 2013

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown on April 10, 2013
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I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown on April 10, 2013

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany on April 9, 2013

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar on April 9, 2013

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick on April 5, 2013

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo on March 27, 2013

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson on January 30, 2013
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Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D. on January 30, 2013

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146 on January 25, 2013

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody on January 25, 2013

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph on January 19, 2013

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