Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
– John Alejandro King

Submitted by: Chris Childs

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:

Submitted by: joseph

A man mixed with a cat will improve the man, but deteriorate the cat.

Submitted by: Casey

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