Funny Men Quotes and Sayings - Page 2


My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
– Tim Allen


The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.


What do men and clouds have in common???… When both are not around its a nice day!

Submitted by: Only meeeeeeee

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor


When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
– Elayne Boosler


If you want to give a guy a compliment, just tell them that they are good at video games.

Submitted by: Michaela Cx

A husband is someone who after taking the trash out gives the impression he’s cleaned the whole house!

Submitted by: lynelle

A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.
– Dino Levi


To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
Rita Rudner


Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.
– Tim Allen


They all say they’re different but really they’re all just the same – boys.

Submitted by: alexlouise

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson


If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks.


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Submitted by: Archita

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
– Erica Jong


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner


A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
– Lana Turner


It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends with the same boss.

Submitted by: hajira

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
– Jackie Mason


Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.


There are three types of men in the world.
Men that are dominated by women and know it.
Men that are dominated by women and don’t know it.
And bachelors!!

Submitted by: Crash

Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
– Rene Descartes


If they can send man to the moon why can’t they send them all?

Submitted by: Sasha

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.


Men are like bank accounts, without money they don’t generate a lot of interest.

Submitted by: gyou

Men are like Bluetooth connection, when you are beside them, they stay connected but when you are away, they search for new devices.


Men are like blenders. You know you need one, but you’re not sure why.

Submitted by: Paula

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
– Gloria Steinem


When a woman wants a man’s opinion…She gives it to him.

Submitted by: carrie

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

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