Funny Men Quotes and Sayings - Page 4
When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little boys grow up to be big boys
What do men and clouds have in common???… When both are not around its a nice day!
MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.
A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.
Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
– George Carlin
So many men so little asprin.
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
– Jackie Mason
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
– Rita Rudner
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
– Elayne Boosler
Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do- it- yourself” types.
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
– Erica Jong
Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
– Lana Turner
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
– Tim Allen
If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks.
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.
– Tim Allen
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.