Funny Men Quotes and Sayings

We can train a monkey to fly a jet but we can’t train a man to be humble.

Submitted by: C Ray

To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
Rita Rudner

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson

The man is not a dog – he will not run after bones.

Submitted by: mareniek

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.
– Tim Allen

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
– Elayne Boosler

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

Chocolate, men, coffee – some things are better rich.

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
– Jackie Mason

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Men are like blenders. You know you need one, but you’re not sure why.

Submitted by: Paula

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

Men are like toilets; deep, dark and full of sh**!

Submitted by: Amy

A man can never be careful until he buys a new car and a white shirt.

Submitted by: Kojo

If human beings originated from monkeys, why do men act like dogs???

Submitted by: Jay Holmes Jr.

All men are dogs, the difference is the barking rate!

Submitted by: vanne$$a

Men don’t take direction very well. But eventually when they realize the direction was correct they take all the credit.

Submitted by: Hunter

Behind every successful man there’s a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are several women.

Submitted by: Valerie. Tan burden
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Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
Rene Descartes

Dogs should not be compared to men, they are much better.

Submitted by: Rachel

Boys are like dogs they run away then come back to you the very next day.

Submitted by: taylor and cameron

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry

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