Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings
Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
Sarcasm (because punching people in the face is illegal) <3.
There is a fine line between fashion and circus. So where’s the tent?
The only thing to fear is fear itself and what 9 out of 10 doctors would prescribe.
Mom: Have you picked out what you’re wearing to school tomorrow?
Mom: What is it?
Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch?
Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.
I am not bad. I am just dangerously awful.
Instant idiot, just add alcohol!
You’d make the perfect blueprints to build an idiot!
Have you heard about the discount for deodorant from Nivea?
No sh*t Sherlock!
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Man, I sure do hate a bag of air with chips in it.
Person 1: What do you think we should make for dinner?
Person 2: Food.
Person 1: Did you fall?
Person 2: No, a bunch a kids wanted to play ping pong with my a**.
Sorry, my fist meant to caress your face.
You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.
I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.
My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
How very observant of you there captain obvious.
I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.
A guy asks “Do you think I’m straight?”
My response: You’re as straight as a circle.
3 A. M. Phone call
- Hey are you asleep?
- No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!
I love parents’ way of saying you have got a point “Don’t talk back at me!!”
Person 1: Only few people can practice two arts simultaneously.
Person 2: That is why I practice three. :)
Person 1: Can you help me do my homework?
Person 2: Sure, I can, why not.
Person 1: Well?.
Person 2: Just because I can, doesn’t mean I will.
B*tch at least I still remember planetary motion. The world revolves around the sun.
Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.
Person: Go to hell!
Me: I must already be in Hell since you’re still standing here.
I love to hear you talk- the white noise is very relaxing.
Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.
I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).
How much do you charge to haunt a house?
Oh yea you look so pretty I can’t take it.