Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

Person: Go to hell.
Me:I’m packing my bags, just promise me you won’t end up there.

Submitted by: Shafqat

Person 1: Did you just see that?!?!?!
Me: No, I wasn’t standing watching the whole time >_>.

Submitted by: Smart Sarcastic asian guy

Person 1: Whatcha reading?
Person 2: Words. Duh.

Submitted by: Savana

Sometimes some people need a high five.
On the head.
With a sledgehammer.

Submitted by: Savana

Your bae is suffering from low self-esteem, well, maybe that’s why she’s dating you.

Submitted by: @OfficialBigDzu

Boy: Do you have any sense?
Girl: Ya, do you want some?

Submitted by: do u need

Talking to myself. Because who else will?

Submitted by: sarcasm because killing people is illegal

She: My love close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Me: Nothing.
She: This is my life without you.
Me: Now close your eyes and tell me what you see.
She: Nothing.
Me: This is what I feel for you :d

Submitted by: Hemant stephen salvatore

You just bought an expensive gift for someone.
Person: Oh my, how did you manage to buy this for me?
Me: Well, urm I just exchanged it for a lot of money.

Submitted by: Yusuf Ansari

If I wanted to kill myself I’ll have to climb your ego and then jump to your IQ.

Submitted by: Yusuf Ansari

12 am call from a friend.
Friend: Are you asleep?
Me: Nope, I just like dancing at midnight while everyone is asleep.

Submitted by: Nosipho

Oh look?? I found your nose all up in. My damn business again!!!!

Submitted by: Jaz

I asked God to punish me, next day I met you.

Submitted by: tsury

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

Submitted by: PeterGm

Are you sleeping?
– No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.

Submitted by: PeterGm

Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

Submitted by: Dess

Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Waitress: Would you like a table?
Me: No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please!

Submitted by: Kiki

Bully: And what are you going to do about it?
Me: Nothing, but if you don’t do something about that attitude, you may get stuck.

Submitted by: Harry Fisher

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Girl: No. I dug my way up from hell.

Submitted by: Christ

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