Just in case you haven’t noticed, you are ugly both mentally and physically. Other than that? You are totally fine!
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx
DAD… What do you want to be when you grow up? KID… An adult.
People say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit… And that comes from the people who don’t understand it.
Inside the fitting room: Me: Hey Miss, it doesn’t fit me, do you have a larger size of this shirt? Sales Lady: Is it for you Sir? Me: No, its for the other guy on that room, I am wondering why I am fitting this one, can you get a larger size for him?
I hear voices and even they don’t like you.!
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Someone asked me: Are your hair naturally red??? I replied: “No I soak my hair every night in the blood of my enemies”.
I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
Look at my face and tell me if it looks like I care.
Awkward moment – When your sarcasm is so advanced it makes you look stupid. I’m sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.
He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Victor Borge
Women… Did you fall there Mister… Me… Na I was trying to break a bar of toffee in my back pocket.
Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?
Time flies by when you’re insulting people.
Person 1 : Was my speech good? Person 2 : Yup but I couldn’t understand a word you were saying.
Person 1: “Does this look like a face of concern?” Person 2: “It will if I smashed it in.”
I trip and knock over a book shelf. Random person: “Smooth.” Me: “Thank you, I try.”
You’re in shape, bearing in mind that ’round’ is a shape…
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