Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings - Page 2

51

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Submitted by: Sir Custac Cant
22

A guy asks “Do you think I’m straight?”
My response: You’re as straight as a circle.

Submitted by: Aj
13

3 A. M. Phone call
– Hey are you asleep?
– No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!

Submitted by: Jox_Touchdown
15

I love parents’ way of saying you have got a point “Don’t talk back at me!!”

Submitted by: Clothilda
23

Person 1: Only few people can practice two arts simultaneously.
Person 2: That is why I practice three. :)

Submitted by: Kiel
16

Person 1: Can you help me do my homework?
Person 2: Sure, I can, why not.
Person 1: Well?.
Person 2: Just because I can, doesn’t mean I will.

Submitted by: Kiel
22

B*tch at least I still remember planetary motion. The world revolves around the sun.

Submitted by: derek dsemre
10

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

Submitted by: shutup
23

Person: Go to hell!
Me: I must already be in Hell since you’re still standing here.

Submitted by: Nick
18

I love to hear you talk- the white noise is very relaxing.

Submitted by: nick
9

Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.

Submitted by: Sofia
10

Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.

Submitted by: Jennifer
5

I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).

Submitted by: Lowkeyfan
6

How much do you charge to haunt a house?

Submitted by: thomas geddes
19

Oh yea you look so pretty I can’t take it.

Submitted by: casin
11

Someone said that you didn’t have half a brain, but I defended you, I insisted that you did!

Submitted by: Richard
15

As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me!

Submitted by: Anarchy
28

Abusive Mom: Do you hate me?
Girl: No, I just wish you would get your next period in a shark tank
Abusive Dad: Do you hate me?
Girl: No, it’s just that if you were on fire I’d roast marshmallows.

Submitted by: Ryann
8

Mom: *knocks on my door*
Me: What?
Mom: Are you in there?
Me: No, I went to Narnia.

Submitted by: Aiden
15

*Me washing my car*
Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car?
Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.

Submitted by: FAX_and_MANG
19

Judge: How do you plead?
Me: Not guilty your honer!
Judge: What have you got to say for yourself?
Me: Isn’t being ugly against the law?

Submitted by: Prince-Flames O. M
17

Some one comes to your house.
Them: Do you have a bathroom?
You: No, we just go in the back yard!

Submitted by: 1999:) 2012:)
20

One thing I know is sarcasm is painful euphemism.
Try not to be sarcastic when you are not, it’s just as difficult as walking with your nose.
Sarcasm is a skill meant for a chosen few.

Submitted by: Victoria
14

My dad: “Is the only thing you can do is be an a$$?”
My reply: “No, I come with sarcasm 3. 0.”

Submitted by: DrWhatver
11

Person 1: Is that you?!
Person 2: Nah, I’m an alien from the planet obvious.

Submitted by: Fred 'n' George

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