Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings - Page 2
Judge: How do you plead?
Me: Not guilty your honer!
Judge: What have you got to say for yourself?
Me: Isn’t being ugly against the law?
Some one comes to your house.
Them: Do you have a bathroom?
You: No, we just go in the back yard!
One thing I know is sarcasm is painful euphemism.
Try not to be sarcastic when you are not, it’s just as difficult as walking with your nose.
Sarcasm is a skill meant for a chosen few.
My dad: “Is the only thing you can do is be an a$$?”
My reply: “No, I come with sarcasm 3. 0.”
Person 1: Is that you?!
Person 2: Nah, I’m an alien from the planet obvious.
If you had to choose a name for my dog! It would for sure be yours! For loyalty purposes.:)
The only thing to fear is fear itself and what 9 out 10 doctors would prescribe.
You – “Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”
Me – “I’m sorry there’s a correct side to be waking up on?”
It takes patience to listen, however it takes absolute skill to pretend you’re listening.
Excuse me love, would you like a skirt to go with that belt?!
Person 1 : Was my speech good?
Person 2 : Yup but I couldn’t understand a word you were saying.
My Brother: Since when is silence smart?
Me: Since you started talking…
9 more hours and I can start behaving normally again.
Life’s good, you should get one.
I find it funny…
But I have forgotten how to laugh..
Person 1: “Does this look like a face of concern?”
Person 2: “It will if I smashed it in.”
You- “oh find it funny do you?!”
Me- “hence the laughter”
Not many people can listen to you and survive. I should be getting an award.
Well, thank you. Coming from you, it means…absolutely nothing.
Be my guest and leave.
You’re not stupid; you’re just not that smart.
I’ll give you five seconds to find hell.
- Sweetie, I’m already there (:
It’s okay, my sarcasm fixes your stupidity.
And who told you you were intelligent?????
Police pulls over a speeding car:
Cop: Mam, do you know why am I standing here?
Driver: Cause you got all D’s in high school?
Awkward moment – When your sarcasm is so advanced it makes you look stupid.
I’m sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.
3 o’clock in the morning and your best friend calls
You: HEY!! Dude I’m awake and super hyper!!!
You: Dude, are you asleep?
Me: No stupid, I’m skydiving.
Tell me about your problems again. ‘Cause I care SO much about your problems.
Before talking please connect the tongue to the brain.
I’m told that familiarity breeds contempt … Well I feel I’ve know you forever.
I’m sorry. I couldn’t see a person behind that giant ego.
I must be psychic. I predicted you’d be an idiot.
Don’t blame yourself. Let me do it.
I failed my spelling test. The teacher said “Idiot” and I put your name down.
You are funny, you make everyone laugh except when you joke.
You think you’re so smart?
- No, I don’t. I’m actually pretty sure.
I don’t hate you. Its just my attitude has problems with your personality.
People say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit… And that comes from the people who don’t understand it.
How do you manage to get such a large foot in such a small mouth?
Oh, you deleted me on Facebook. Is that your final revenge? What’s next… You throw a fruit loop at the back of my head and expect it to hurt?
Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
Go to hell!
Okay, I will come to visit you
Time flies by when you’re insulting people.
Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here).
- Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
- Exactly! It’s the only form I’m capable of.
You can’t face the problem if the problem is your face.