You’re unique just like everyone else!
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
Person 1 : Watch my stuff. Me : Why? Is it going to do a trick.
Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.
The trash will get picked up tomorrow, be ready.
What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?
Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.
I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.
Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really…
My loyalty cannot be bought, however, it can be rented.
I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.
You always do me a favor, when you shut up!
Sarcasm (n.) – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it…!
3 A. M. Phone call – Hey are you asleep? – No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!
You: Do you think I am stupid. Me: Its not your fault.
You : My dad bought me a new mirror, the old one is broken. Me : I can see why
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
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