Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings - Page 4
Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.
Person 1: Can I ask you a question?
Person 2: You just did!
I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).
Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH! I smell something
Person 1: You are so cool!
Person 2: Thank you! You’re not so hot yourself.
About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?”
I reply “Check the oven”.
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday!
3 A. M. Phone call
– Hey are you asleep?
– No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!
You: I’m going to be a comedian one day!
Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles*
You: Whats so funny?
Me: *gasps* oh! you were being serious, i’m sorry.
I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid… Then I met you.
Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.
Well, thank you. Coming from you, it means…absolutely nothing.
I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.
I don’t hate you. Its just my attitude has problems with your personality.
I was stopped by a policeman and his over excited sniffer dog the other day, my dog says you are on drugs, he said…
I said, I’m not the one with a talking dog mate.
Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.
Never judge a book by its cover but always by it’s price tag.
If you want to throw your attitude I will be waiting with a baseball bat.
At times the way you choose to ignore me, I feel God is still with me.
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
– Golda Meir
*Me washing my car*
Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car?
Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
I’m not good at giving advice…how about sarcasm?
Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
It’s not that they’re ugly. It’s just that everybody else is better looking.
oh no … Keep talking … I always YAWN when I’m interested…:)
A girl wearing pointed high- heeled shoes steps on someones feet
Girl: Sorry, did that hurt?
Someone: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia why don’t you try again.