Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

Mom: You can’t have a coke now!
Kid: Why not?
Mom: Because it’s bad for you this early in the morning.
Kid: Well how does the coke know it’s morning?

Submitted by: witt

A girl wearing pointed high- heeled shoes steps on someones feet
Girl: Sorry, did that hurt?
Someone: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia why don’t you try again.

Submitted by: Natalis

Mom: *knocks on my door*
Me: What?
Mom: Are you in there?
Me: No, I went to Narnia.

Submitted by: Aiden

You are about as useful as a white crayon.

Submitted by: James

WAIT…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

Submitted by: jo-c

Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch?
Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.

Submitted by: Darian

Life’s good, you should get one.

Submitted by: TTres

Person 1: You look great !
Person 2: Sorry ! I can’t say the same about you.
Person 1: Just do like me … Lie !

Submitted by: Cii

You: Did I wake you up?
Me: Nah I’m always awake at 3 am!

Submitted by: Biteme

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

Submitted by: ninja
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Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

Submitted by: GaiaGadzook

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday!

Submitted by: Pugbear

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

Submitted by: derek dsemre

Cop pulls over a car:
Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over?
Driver: You thought I had donuts?

Submitted by: GumboCharlie

Some say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…I say…. Depends on where you live.

Submitted by: Punkin

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

Submitted by: m&m

About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?”
I reply “Check the oven”.

Submitted by: reddevil109

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

Submitted by: michelle

Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

Submitted by: chellaki
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Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and the highest form of intelligence.

Submitted by: ProfessorChaos

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again.
I never repeat myself.

Submitted by: Sir Custac

I was stopped by a policeman and his over excited sniffer dog the other day, my dog says you are on drugs, he said…
I said, I’m not the one with a talking dog mate.

Submitted by: Sir Custac

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.

Submitted by: Mrs. Melissa Maxwell, AR

I ain’t sleeping. I am just looking into my eyelids.

Submitted by: kala

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