My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
Person 1: Can I ask you a question? Person 2: You just did!
Sales Clerk: Sir are you going to buy that? Person: No, I’m just shop lifting it all the way to the cash register…
“I’d like to call you. What’s your number?” “It’s in the phone book.” “But I don’t know your name.” “That’s in the phone book too.” You’re so cool. Any cooler and you would be me.
You are about as useful as a white crayon.
Me- “What time is it?” You- “There’s a clock right there.” Me- “Did I ask you where the clock was!?”
SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH! I smell something
If stupidity was a profession then you’d be a billionaire.
Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.
Are you really stupid or you are just pretending?
Life’s good, you should get one.
Don’t worry you’re not as dumb as you look.
Mom: *knocks on my door* Me: What? Mom: Are you in there? Me: No, I went to Narnia.
Person: Go to hell! Me: I must already be in Hell since you’re still standing here.
Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.
Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch? Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.
Hey! I had a shoes like those once, then my father got a job.
We have a love and hate relationship….. He loves me, I hate him.
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