Alcohol Quotes, Sayings about alcoholic drinks

“Officer, take me drunk i’m home.”

Submitted by: Dane on November 14, 2008

Cop: sir, yur been drinking too much. Im going to have to take you in for the nite.
friend: no, im not drunk
cop: yeah, you are
friend: okey, im drunk….but im not drunk- drunk- drunk, im just drunk
lmao, this happen to a buddy of mine (funny nite)

Submitted by: rob on May 17, 2009

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

If water is the universal solvent, then beer is the universal solution!

Submitted by: Reishu on February 27, 2009

Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman

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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Submitted by: Brian on June 18, 2009

If you start talking to the beer bottle you’re drunk, if the beer bottle talks back you’re WASTED!

Submitted by: supersoldier2010 on July 4, 2010

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
– W. C. Fields

I don’t drink anymore.
I don’t drink any less either.

Submitted by: domino79 on September 17, 2008

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, neither does the milk.

Submitted by: Arun Ashok on March 3, 2009

Do you realize you were swerving back there?
Sorry officer, my beer was sliding all over the dashboard and I didn’t want it to spill.

Submitted by: Trystan on March 27, 2009

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes & dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.’
– Jack Handey

Submitted by: JenJen on September 21, 2010

It takes skill to be a great drunk, how else can you fall out of a tent and roll around and not spill a single drop of your beer?

Submitted by: fuzz on June 27, 2009
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I have a drinking problem… I can’t find my beer.

Submitted by: Mark Abela xD on September 12, 2009

The whole world is about three drinks behind.
– Humphrey Bogart

I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

Yea I Have a drinking problem. 2 hands 1 mouth no beer!!!!!!

Submitted by: Kitty on December 17, 2008

One tequila, two tequila, three thequila FLOOR! Get back up and drink some more!!!

Submitted by: Treska Guitard on December 11, 2008

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
– Catherine Zandonella

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.
Samuel Johnson

I stopped drinking for a while, Then I woke up

Submitted by: Mase on January 28, 2009

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
– Nancy Astor

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The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
– William Temple

Drink more beer, give a fat girl a chance.

Submitted by: rbking1 on February 15, 2010

There is a devil in every berry of the grape.

I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.
– Robert E. Lee

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

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